


Just Walk Down the Aisle Already

by Nocturnal



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-28
Updated: 2015-09-28
Packaged: 2018-04-23 19:06:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4888513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nocturnal/pseuds/Nocturnal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shizuo and Izaya are in an established relationship when Shizuo asks him to marry. Izaya flat out rejects him and Shizuo decides to break up, leaving Izaya completely at a loss. Plenty of angst and later fluff.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Walk Down the Aisle Already

"Marriage…? Heh, you almost had me there! Funny, Shizu-chan."

Izaya wiped his brow and exhaled, a yellow smile trembling on his lips. Shizuo frowned.

"I wasn't kidding."

"Sure you were. For one, gay marriage is not legal in this country and second, marriage is…a bit…"

Izaya waved for lieu of an explanation. He felt exceedingly awkward and squirmed on his seat. Then grabbed his tea cup with two hands.

"A bit what?"

"A bit…odd. I suppose that people have private ceremonies even if they are not recognized by the state but it doesn't actually change anything so why do it?"

"Why not do it, then? Since I'd want to. What's your problem with it?"

"It's not like I have a problem with it…"

"What is it, then?"

Izaya sighed and put up his hands in a placatory gesture.

"Why so serious all of a sudden, Shizu-chan! Could it be that you want yours truly to dress up in a bride's dress? I didn't know you had that kind of kink, I'm all for-"

"Izaya? Drop it."

Shizuo was visibly upset at the flippant attitude.

"Look, marriage is just not for me. Why can't things just go on as they are now? I have fun with you, you have fun with me, it's all good."

"I want more than that."

"Like what?"

"Like coming back home and finding you there and falling asleep with you there, eating together. That kind of things, normal stuff."

Izaya brightened up.

"We can move in together. I'm fine with that."

"That's not the same."

"Plenty of heterosexual couples live together without getting married."

"I'm not part of 'plenty of couples', I'm me."

"Right…can't say that I understand you on this."

Izaya had no illusions as to the fact that theirs was a relationship of opposites somehow harmonized and that Shizuo had some thinking habits that were downright puzzling but this was the first time he was left wondering as to what his motivation was.

"I guess I want some commitment from you."

Izaya rolled his eyes.

"Gee, what, you want to spend the rest of your life with me?"

"Yes."

Izaya's sense of unease reached a critical point.

"Okay…even so, we already sleep together most nights and-"

"And one fine night you'll decide you're bored and move on to someone else."

Izaya shrugged.

"And getting married would change that how?"

"If you thought about it and agreed to marrying me then it means you're fine with me."

"I see, so you're insecure."

"Can you blame me?"

Izaya gave it some thought. He could see that Shizuo was in earnest and it bothered him.

"I suppose I see your point but I haven't been fooling around."

"But you don't see nothing wrong in doing so."

"I don't see monogamy as a virtue per se."

Shizuo nodded and became almost grim. Then he gathered his things and got up.

"If you feel that way then we might as well break up."

Despite the ominous prelude Izaya was still taken completely by surprise.

"You can't be serious."

"I told you already, I'm not kidding."

"Wait, let's just talk this over."

Izaya could not account for the feeling of panic darting through him. He knew that Shizuo had a way of being adamant in his stubbornness.

"Will you consider marrying?"

"Er, marriage is just too weird for me-"

"Then there's nothing more to discuss. Goodbye."

And with this Izaya was left staring at the empty space where Heiwajima Shizuo had just stood shortly.

*

That night Izaya waited for Shizuo to come over as they had agreed to prior to the out of the blue conflict. He did so in the hope that Shizuo would come to his senses. Izaya had not voiced his true feelings towards marriage, he had greatly softened his disgust for the entire institution but apparently to no end since wait as he might, Shizuo did not come by. Izaya checked his cell phone for the hundredth time.

Shizuo was being absolutely unreasonable. Which was nothing new in itself, Shizuo's bent for the irrational served as a counterpart to Izaya's highly calibrated reasoning, but it was a whole new level of ridiculous. As the hours ticked away and the neon kept blazing outside his panoramic window, Izaya began to feel angry. No one had any right to emotionally blackmail and corner him into taking an absurd decision. Heiwajima Shizuo was no exception. Izaya had no problem playing a submissive role in bed but only because it was just that, roleplay.

Marriage carried connotations of ownership that he found highly repulsive and it entailed that he went along with it as if Shizuo could decide things for him. Suddenly, Izaya felt very silly, waiting here as if he was pining over Shizuo. He left his apartment and took a long walk to clear his mind. The realization that Shizuo did intend to put an end to their relationship dawned on him by degrees. Izaya picked up his pace, almost running down the streets.

All things considered, it was perhaps for the best. Izaya did not need getting tied down. It was a blunder against his much prized personal freedom. After all there was a wide selection of partners to choose from in such a large city as Tokyo and Izaya had the skill to pick at will. He thought himself into being content and even relieved at this outcome. But for some reason he still felt rather down and borderline testy.

He decided to drop by Simon's for some distraction then thought that Shizuo might be there and almost turned around. Then he realized that there was no way he was going to let Shizuo dictate his life. Izaya gathered some emotional momentum as he walked into the busy restaurant.

With that said it was with a mixture of disappointment and relief that he realized that Shizuo was nowhere to be found. He took a seat at the counter and soon enough Simon was ready to take his order.

"Orihara-san, welcome, welcome. Dinner for two?"

"I'm afraid not."

Simon suspected that something was off. Izaya might be smiling but that meant nothing. Simon made a mental note to leave the matter alone.

"Cheese sushi, tasty cheese sushi."

Izaya shot him a venomous glare that reminded Simon anew that his was not a usual costumer.

"Just get me some normal sushi. Ootoro preferably."

Izaya waited listlessly. He felt restless and unwilling to pay attention to his surroundings. Which was why he did not register that Kadota had arrived until he was sitting next to him.

"Where's Shizuo?"

Izaya tried to keep his cool.

"Clearly not here."

"You don't know?"

"I have no idea."

Izaya nibbled on a bit of fish. It tasted rubbery.

"Did something happen?"

He impaled a nigiri and pointed it at Kadota.

"'Something'? Not at all! Not at all Dotachin."

Kadota wished he had not asked. But it was difficult not to address it when Izaya was fuming and barely containing himself. Kadota had never seen Izaya truly angry and he hoped never to witness it.

"Oh, okay. Great."

"But say that something were to happen, say, like a certain Heiwajima Shizuo acting like an idiot, what then? That is the perennial question."

Kadota tried to excuse himself but it was too late. Izaya was on something of a roll.

"This is the problem with traditionalists, people who simply do not understand that societal structures have changed considerably. The gap between institutions and daily life as it is actually experienced is a proof that this new century is still unprepared to accommodate new realities."

Kadota scratched his head through his beanie. He did not at all understand Izaya's point but he supposed there was one.

"Sure."

"I am a free soul anyway. Fetters aren't for me."

"Izaya, I have to go run now-"

Fortunately for Kadota Izaya did not particularly care for an interlocutor. Kadota could slip away, his confusion undimmed.

"Oy, Simon. This fish isn't very fresh, get me another one."

Simon knew that it was the freshest tuna in Tokyo but there was no point to disagreeing with Izaya. At least Izaya did not drink and left early without further disturbance. Izaya left with no intention of going back home any time soon or even for the night. There were a few nightclubs he could hit, places of the city that stayed wide awake even in the darkest hours of the night.

On his way to one of these popular and sleek haunts he passed by a bridal shop and halted in front of the brightly lit window. Frilly white dresses, miles and miles of lace. How Shizuo could possibly want anything to do with this farce was so beyond Izaya that he had to shake his head in wonderment. It was beyond ridiculous. And if Shizuo wanted to call it quits on such a silly pretext then Izaya was more than justified in going for a one night stand.

*

Izaya rolled on his side and got dressed without a word. A headache loomed ahead and he knew that it would escalate into a migraine. Until now he had not known that sex could be so bad. It angered him greatly. He glanced over his shoulder to the girl who was already texting away. In no time millions would know what had happened. Izaya wondered if his real motivation had been just that. To spite Shizuo.

As petty as it might be, Izaya believed that Shizuo more than deserved it. Which did not explain his plummeting spirits. Izaya tried to shake it off but it would not abate. A feeling of shame that disturbed him greatly.

Day was already breaking. The streets were still empty. Izaya often took strolls in these dead hours of the day when the city belonged to him alone. He took a detour through alleys and cut into avenues. The sun climbed in the sky and little by little activity woke up all around. Izaya was turning a corner when he spotted Shizuo. The odds were somewhat staggering against it but here was Heiwajima Shizuo just exiting a building. A spasm of anger made him livid as he read a sign, 'marriage consultant'. With hands turned into fists Izaya crossed the road.

"Well, well, if it isn't Shizu-chan! What, you're so into marriage that it doesn't matter who you marry?"

Shizuo blinked once.

"Where did you come from?"

"What is it to you anyway?"

Shizuo took a step in his direction and sniffed his hair.

"Perfume, a woman's. Just what were you doing?"

Izaya gloated greatly.

"It doesn't concern you, now does it? Since you broke up with me. I can do whatever you want."

"Izaya…"

He relished in the note of pain in Shizuo's voice.

"Go back to your arranged marriage or whatever, such a lovely national tradition that is! It's right there with severing pinky fingers, harakiri, suicide pilots and other wonderful practices inherited from our ancestors. What should I bring to the ceremony? A juice machine? Can you read the instructions, actually. Oh well, just count me out of the whole thing then. I have better things to do like throwing myself into a meat grinder."

There was something liberating in righteous indignation. Shizuo lit a cigarette and puffed away.

"I'm here on a job. The place owes a lot of money."

Izaya started.

"Whatever. I can still do as I well please."

"Do you feel happy now? Cheating like this?"

Izaya shrugged.

"What should I do, cry a corner and be all sad that you've dumped me? And go all, 'Ah, Shizu-chan doesn't love me! Life isn't worth living! Oh no!'? Well think again, Shizu darling. I can do just fine without you. Just you watch."

"You like this girl?"

"Madly in love!"

"What's her name?"

Izaya giggled.

"Forgot to ask. A cup, it's not a matter of size but shape."

Shizuo slammed a fist against the wall. It left a hole. Izaya jumped back, startled.

"You better leave right now, Izaya. Don't test me."

By the tense posture of Shizuo's shoulders alone Izaya could tell that he meant it. Izaya turned around and walked as fast as he could without actually running away. He only stopped after taking a few subway stations. Izaya felt rather shaky. Almost wobbly at the knees. He held his by now aching head in his hands and sighed deeply. A strange feeling took him over. Something unfamiliar and very uncomfortable. It took him a while to realize that it was the pressure of unshed tears. Izaya did not know the last time he had cried. He forced himself to snap out of it.

Back in his apartment he took a long shower then decided to take a bath instead. He sank in warm soothing water, only his nose about the surface, arms around his legs. Steam filled the large bathroom and he basked in it. Floating away from all care, drifting. Issues dimmed and became very distant. As did his body, the consciousness of a physical entity that belonged to him. The affirmation of the presence of this body that was a part of him was one of the things he enjoyed the most from sex. This was the exact opposite, a disconnect, his mind blurring along with his body.

His troubles were smoothed over and seemed to leave him completely. Izaya fell asleep without even realizing it.

He woke up with water filling his nose. For a breathless second there was a rush of panic. Then Izaya was coughing and spitting out water, the lingering headache expanding against his skull like something vicious inside his mind. He supported himself against the tub's rim, eyes closed and took deep slow breaths. Izaya was sure that he had hurt Shizuo, it had given him a temporary satisfaction that his one night stand had completely lacked, but all too soon he was back to feeling annoyed.

More, he felt very depressed. The hot water made him feel borderline feverish. Izaya dragged himself from the tub and wrapped his naked body in a robe. His mind was completely empty.

In bed he simply flung himself on his belly and slowly turned over until he was lying on his back. His anger abated, replaced by confusion. He simply did not have the faintest idea of what to do. Izaya sighed under his breath, very quietly. The bed seemed absurdly large as if it contained the whole world on which he was left floundering and at a loss. Out of instinct he reached for Shizuo and did not even find the phantom shape of his body.

Izaya was impossibly tired but sleep would not return. He stared at the ceiling and tried to convince himself that he did not miss being cradled in Shizuo's arms. Izaya had to quiet his irritability and the best way to do this was to seek some sort of relief. He ended up masturbating. Eyes closed, hunting for some random fantasy. He tried to think of faceless women, breasts, slim hips, small shapely asses but he still ended up coming with Shizuo's name on his lips.

"Shit. Shit, shit, shit."

But at least his exhaustion collapsed on itself and pulled down under to a dreamless sleep.

*

Shizuo had always been aware of a certain mismatch in their relationship. It was something that he could push aside normally and Izaya had a way of being breezy about it. But with time Shizuo's issues increased and became an obstacle even as he became conscious that for better and for worse he did love Izaya.  
Now, after a hard day's work he was ready to go home and chew some tasteless cardboard meal. His day was about done but clearly Izaya's was only beginning. Shizuo hated whenever his job took him to pleasure districts and much more so now. Across the street Izaya was strolling to a high end restaurant, one girl on each arm and a third one tagging along.

Shizuo wanted to drop a vending machine on the four of them. Rumors had reached him that Izaya was burning the nights away on women. Many of these, in fact. Never repeating the same one twice. He rotated the best clubs in the city and fancy places of all sorts. Hotels, champagne and caviar. To go with the orgies. From what Shizuo had heard they were not professional girls. Shizuo was not at all surprised. He knew that Izaya was highly attractive to women as it was. Izaya could be sleek, smooth and he mastered the lingo perfectly. All he needed was to snap his fingers and droves would jump into his bed eagerly.

Shizuo turned his back to the group, the sound of laughter and of high heels hitting the pavement was akin to nails on chalk, and walked away rapidly. He committed the grave mistake of looking over his shoulder only to see Izaya kissing one of the girls deeply. Shizuo kicked a garbage can. It crashed with a loud bang and the girls jumped and shrieked. Izaya smiled viciously and waved at Shizuo, slowly. The rings sparkled in the neon light, red, blue and purple. It took all that Shizuo had to simply walk away.

If the girls around Izaya were not star struck they might have noticed that his heart was not in it. There was nothing accidental in this meeting with Shizuo. Izaya coordinated his schedule just for the purpose. Once he accomplished this he lost all interest in the empty chatter. Or in anything for that matter.

*

"So…what happened, exactly? Trouble in paradise?"

Shizuo did not answer. He knew that Shinra meant well but he was not in the mood for talking about it.

"Something like that."

"Did you guys fight? He's with a new girl every night. More than one at the time, even! It's weird."

"Izaya was bi to start with so it's not all that weird."

"Shizuo…he's your boyfriend, somehow. Aren't you being a bit too calm about this?"

"It's his life. Can't do anything about it."

"Don't you love him? I have no idea why but I know you do."

"Not that Izaya gives a shit one way or another."

Some bitterness crept into Shizuo's voice. He kept seeing the multicolor lights sparkling off silver rings.

"Why don't you talk about it? It might help."

Shizuo had no intention of doing so but suddenly he could not do otherwise. The bottled feeling of mortification would find its vent one or another. Shinra listened with growing dismay.

"Marriage? Putting marriage and Izaya in the same sentence is insanity unless there's a big 'NOT' in there somewhere."

"He didn't take it seriously either."

"So you broke up with him."

"There was nothing else I could do."

Shinra adjusted his glasses and sighed.

"Just so you know, this is all Izaya's little revenge."

"Has he told you that?"

"As if. But it's obvious. No matter how you look at it this kind of behavior isn't normal."

"He's got a strong sex drive-"

"Not something I want to know. To be fair, you're probably better off without Izaya. I mean, he's selfish, flippant, conceited, arrogant, snickering, mean-"

"You don't get to say all that about Izaya when I'm around."

Shizuo did not raise his voice but Shinra read the undertow of threat very clearly.

"See? You love him. You have got to love him to care about things like that."

"It doesn't matter what I feel for him. If he doesn't care about me."

"Did you really think he'd marry you?"

Shizuo nodded, not in agreement but accepting in implicit negative outcome.

"I thought he wouldn't but I had to try."

"Maybe you did want to break up with him in a way."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you know he'd turn it down and it would lead to a break up and you still went ahead with it…"

Shizuo was silent for a while.

"What's wrong with wanting to spend the rest of my life with the person I love?"

"Nothing. But this is Izaya we're talking about. It's not like he's into that kind of thing. In some ways he never grew up."

"It doesn't feel right to be talking about this with you. It's between me and Izaya."

And all the random girls Izaya picked, Shinra thought.

Shizuo was not at all calm about it regardless of appearances. He understood full well that Izaya was on a revenge trip precisely because he was hurt but Shizuo could not precisely tell if presently Izaya was happy. Had he been able to spy on Izaya, he could have a clear answer to his doubts.

*

Izaya woke up to a feeling of fuzziness. It was uncommon for him to work until exhaustion but it was nothing some sleep did not cure and even if he burnt the night away gathering information he would always be full of lucid energy shortly after. But this was different. He felt sluggish, sticky and vaguely oppressed. It took him a while to piece back the events of a rather crazy night and to realize that he was surrounded by several girls in various states of nakedness. He was not one to actually sleep with these impromptu partners so he must have overdone it. Izaya needed to count heads to have a clear idea of how many people exactly where in the same bed with him. Which was never a good sign. He also could not name a single one of them which was probably worse.

Izaya tiptoed away and left the scene. It was only outside that he remembered that he was in some hotel. As he ruminated on his way back to his apartment (and he was in need of a long bath even if his recent experiences was less than pleasant) he reached a counterintuitive reasoning. Shizuo did not want to quarter Izaya's freedom out of any attachment to him, his entire point was to insult him with a marriage proposal to dump him in return. It aligned perfectly in Izaya's mind. Because the only true satisfaction he derived was the bittersweet knowledge that he could hurt Shizuo, Izaya was eager to paint Shizuo in the worst scenario possible.

Free to think about this at length without being checked by any contradictory evidence Izaya was fairly certain that he was right when he reached his apartment. Which left him in something of a predicament. If he was correct then he could not affect Shizuo all that much. Which meant he had been wasting time as well as money. Izaya considered this. It made sense.

After all, Shizuo should have thrown a fit and go ballistic but nothing of the sort had happened. Izaya spun on his swivel chair, slowly. He had to settle the matter in his mind. But somehow he kept getting entangled in troubling ramifications and becoming annoyed all over again.

The doorbell chime interrupted his reflections.

"Izaya-san! Izaya-san? Hello!"

"What do you want, Masaomi?"

Kida smiled widely and winked as he walked in.

"I want to know your secret! You're my hero now! So many girls, ah, it's amazing. Tell me how you do it! I'll take notes."

"Goodbye."

"Wait, don't just throw me out like this! That's so cold."

Kida made as if to try out the famous swivel chair but Izaya stepped on his way, his eyes burning with a sharp red glow.

"You touch the chair and you die. Understood?"

"Wow, so drastic. You should call Heiwajima-san and settle…whatever. Even I can see that."

"I won't have you, of all people, lecturing me on relationships."

Kida shook his head.

"Fine. But you'll regret it. Mark my words, you'll regret it."

"There's the door."

But Kida's warning lingered even after he was gone. Izaya had a triple date lined up for the night but he called it off. He was not in the mood of entertaining people or acting like he had at least a minimal interest in these girls. Instead he stayed in and caught up with his semi neglected work. Izaya often found himself zoning out. He would be sifting through rumor for hints of clues and for hidden leads and find himself thinking about Shizuo instead. Shizuo who stubbornly refused to call him. Izaya spun it into Shizuo being deliberate in an attempt to humiliate and hurt him. Seen from that perspective Izaya's subsequent actions had a ring of righteous indignation to them. Izaya quite liked that.

But somehow it did not stick. Bottled emotions clashed within him. Izaya went to sleep after a lot of tossing and turning. And he had a dream. He knew that it was a dream but that did not change anything. It still felt as if Shizuo was there and somehow Izaya could not help being drawn towards him. He woke up to a pang of disappointment followed suit by annoyance. There was something vaguely pathetic in having wet dreams at his age. Izaya sighed deeply. Then he noticed that he was not alone.

"What the- Shizu-chan? What are you doing here?"

"Still got the key."

Izaya tossed some sheets over himself.

"You can't just go barging into people's places like this."

"Like I said, still got the key. And you were calling my name just now."

Izaya dreaded this.

"How long have you been standing there? Are you a stalker now?"

"Long enough."

"Long enough for me to sue you for trespassing, this is private property and you're not welcome here."

"Long enough to find out that you think about me. I'm glad you're alone, I wanted to see you."

"What for?"

Izaya's bravado was a front. In reality he felt very much afraid. Shizuo could easily beat him to a pulp. Izaya flinched instinctively as Shizuo sat next to him in bed and became completely frozen as Shizuo hugged him. It was so unexpected that for a split second Izaya was sure that he was still dreaming.

"Do you hate me, Izaya?"

"I've got plenty of reasons to hate you."

"I'm sorry if you felt cornered or something but this- the way you've been acting, it hurt like hell."

Izaya had planned to put on his most victorious smile if it came to this but when it did, he found himself flailing.

"It was your fault anyway."

He made a weak attempt at disentangling himself from Shizuo's strong arms.

"Even if it was…you can't be happy doing this."

"On the contraire, I had loads of fun."

Shizuo shook his head.

"I can see you're not happy just by looking at you."

Izaya gathered his resolve.

"How can I be expected to be happy? You dumped me without even hearing me out. Just like that. So screw you, Heiwajima Shizuo."

Shizuo slumped.

"I just wanted to be with you. Don't think I don't know that I care for you much more than you care for me. All I want for you to actually give me a chance."

"Oh really? And how does marriage play into this spiel?"

Shizuo was silent for a while and paced back and forth, slowly.

"When I say 'marriage' I don't mean all the complicated stuff that you bring into it. I'm simpler than that, I mean the whole 'for better and worse' thing."

"It's not me who's bringing any cultural baggage into this, that's what marriage entails in itself."

"Maybe for some people, most people even but doesn't have to be that way with us. Why can't we make our own idea of marriage?"

"Why do we have to even bring marriage into it at all?"

Shizuo rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"How long have we been dating now?"

"On and off since high school."

"That's a long time. Why do you think it's been 'on and off'?"

Izaya blinked.

"I don't really know."

"It's because you have zero commitment."

"Now hold it right there. That's not true. I didn't cheat on you, ever."

"Izaya-"

"Whatever happens you dump someone doesn't count as cheating. You sure have a lot of nerve. I've 'hurt' you? Do you have any idea how it feels to be dumped by the guy you love? That's fucking pain for you!"

Shizuo started.

"What did you just say…? Love…?"

"You bloody idiot, that was never in question! You're more than a bastard, you're a downward sadist. You came up with your ultimatum just so you could get rid of me and then wash your hands. What, you have to come out as all righteous? I hate that. Did you get tired of me? Then have the honesty to tell me the truth."

Izaya forced himself to keep breathing lest he simply implode.

"You're getting it all wrong-"

"Oh? Who is the more intelligent of us two, I wonder. Actually, it might be you. I'm the one who got royally screwed while you're laughing at my expense!"

"It has nothing to do with intelligence. You're just too angry."

"Just get out."

Suddenly Izaya was deflated.

"Izaya-"

"Go out with whoever you want, pick up girls if you're into that, just leave me alone."

"I'm not like that. I don't want anyone else."

"Right…"

"You know, this is the first time you said you loved me."

Izaya chuckled bitterly.

"I bet you're all happy now-"

"I am happy for that."

"-since you can have fun at my expense so much better."

Shizuo made as if you touch him and Izaya slapped his hand away.

"Don't you even dare go there."

"Izaya, please listen to me. I'm sorry if you felt like I didn't care for you and I shouldn't have broken up with you. But try to see things from my point of view for a while."

"Why should I bother?"

Shizuo took a seat. It amazed him how Izaya managed to be a domineering presence even in his boxers amidst ruffled sheets.

"Because you're Orihara Izaya. Seeing other people's point of view is what you do best. You're a genius at it. You understand what makes others tick so please give me a chance to explain."

For a few tense moments Shizuo was sure that he was about to be dismissed for good.

"Fine, plead your case."

It was a strange wording and in his anxiety it took a while for Shizuo to realize that Izaya was allowing to go on. Shizuo took a deep breath.

"Do you remember the first time we kissed? You meant it as a joke. Do you remember the first time we had sex? You meant that as a joke, I know since you actually admitted it. Do you remember the first time I said I loved you? It was after sex and you laughed so much you actually fell out of bed. People think we're just fuck buddies and no, I don't care what people think but at times it sure feels that you agree with them."

"I suppose you have something of a point but I do take our relationship seriously."

Shizuo nodded, somberly.

"I can see that now. But Izaya, how was I supposed to know that? You've never showed it to me. So I thought I'd find out by asking you to marry me. If you said yes then you were serious. If you said no then you weren't…if so then it would be best to cut off all ties. If you don't love me as I love you then what is the point. That's what I thought."

Izaya followed Shizuo's every move as if to comprehend him via close observation.

"It's true that I don't think monogamy is natural. That means that I'd only to be faithful to someone I love."

"I get it now, Izaya. I won't at all force you into marrying me."

"I'm taking a shower."

"I'll be waiting."

As much as Shizuo wanted to join him, he knew that it would make matters more complicated. Izaya stood under the jet of hot water for a long time. He needed this interval to collect his thoughts alone. Sparring with Shizuo had tired Izaya more than he thought. He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against the tiles, imagining his life without Shizuo. It seemed rather bleak.

"Just for the record, I don't want a public ceremony of any kind and I'll write the vows myself."

Shizuo got up. Izaya ambled to the bed in his fluffy white bath robe.

"Izaya, you're saying that-"

"That I don't want to terminate this relationship. And I don't want anyone to snatch you away. So I guess I'll just have to marry you."

"Really?"

"In my own terms. You know what happens when people get married. The sex goes down the drain. And rest assured, Shizu-chan: I will not let that happen. Is that understood?"

Shizuo nodded. He felt elated as if a burden had been lifted from him and sent him floating on thin air. But just like walking in the air he was afraid of crashing down into reality.

"You really don't have to worry about that. I can never get enough of doing you. But are you sure?"

"Don't mistake me for a bashful bride. I won't cook for you, I won't wash or tidy your clothes, I won't be your housewife anymore than I'll bear your children."

Shizuo chuckled.

"Trust me, I know. I wouldn't expect you to do any of that. Even if you were a girl."

"Good. As long as you are aware of that."

"I'm aware that I love you."

Shizuo hugged him and kept his arms around Izaya.

"Don't go taking me for granted now. Married couples do that too often."

"I won't. I know how popular you are with girls. But I'll make it so that I'm all you need."

"Big words, Shizu-chan. Big words."

"Not just words."

Shizuo led him to bed, hands linked.

"Oh my, it looks like we're about to skip down a flower strewn meadow and straight into the sunlight, hand in hand."

"I like this better."

Shizuo kissed him softly.

"You're the sap of us two. I want personalized rings."

"Don't you already have loads of them?"

"I mean wedding rings."

"I'm not too sure I can afford that."

"Too bad for you, husband dear."

"Guess I'll have to start saving."

"Don't be silly. I told you already, no idiotic old fashioned ideas like 'I'm the man of the couple so I got to provide and bring home the bacon'. I'm the one who wants rings so I'll pay for them."

"How about we do it fifty fifty?"

"Done. You've got yourself a deal. I'll get them and you can pay your share later, bit by bit. But the rings must match. Which means you're in a pinch if I go for a big jewel engraved ring. 'bukuro will go wild!"

"Then let it go wild. I want everyone to know that we're together for good. So next time some bitch asks me for your phone number I can tell her to get lost because we belong together."

"Does that actually happen?"

Shizuo nodded darkly.

"Yes. I hate it."

"Hmm…you know, girls ask for your phone number all the time."

Shizuo started.

"Really? What do you tell them?"

"That you're gay and that you kill girls."

"I never thought too much about being gay and whatnot. And I don't kill girls…or anyone…"

Izaya chuckled.

"That's not the point! I just want them to stay away from you."

"That's a cute, in a way. But why say that I kill people?"

"Because otherwise they'd be all 'gay? Kya!'."

"Weird people."

"But don't get the wrong idea here. I am aware that being unfaithful has nothing to do with having a lot of suitors. If you don't want to cheat then you don't cheat. It's that simple."

Shizuo kissed Izaya's hand.

"Yeah, I know."

"Gee…you're so chivalrous all of a sudden."

"Dunno what that is."

Izaya tsked.

"It means that you'll be opening doors for me, pulling chairs, and placing your coat in muddy puddles for me to walk over."

"Why would I do that? You got arms and eyes, it's not like you can't open doors for yourself and you just need to walk around puddles."

*

Two weeks later Izaya handed Shizuo the vows he had written. Shizuo read them carefully and was smiling broadly at the end.

"This is so…well, you."

"That just so happens to be the entire point of having personalized vows."

"Yeah. Guess I should write mine no."

"You haven't done so already?"

"I'm not too good at this kind of things."

Izaya rolled his eyes comically.

"Well, that is very you. Just go with the flow, you were never the kind to overthink as it is."

"Is that okay?"

Shizuo wanted to pick the right words. It seemed vitally important.

"Of course it is. Being wordy and long winded is my nature so it follows I'd plan ahead my intentions in pre-established vows. But you're nature is more to say what comes to mind so you should just go with that. That's a great rule of thumb, 'to thyself be true'. That kind of thing."

"At times I think you're too smart."

Shizuo allowed for a wide intellectual gap to exist between them. Izaya was too much of a thinker to contest it. But Izaya himself did not care for that attitude.

"Oy Shizu-chan, don't count yourself as stupid because you're not. I wish you'd not brood like you when there's something going on your mind, though. You do plenty of thinking yourself, people just miss it because you keep it all to yourself and they simply don't pay enough attention."

"Guess you really know me."

"As you pointed out, we go back a long time. Still…in my defense, and I never got around to it at the time, I didn't really believe that you meant it when you first told me you loved me."

Shizuo blinked.

"Really? That's weird. Since you're so good at reading people."

"So I am but one thing I have learned. You can't read your lover like you other people. One would think that being closer would make it easier but it's the exact opposite. And you're not one that is easy to figure out as it is. You're right in saying that I took kissing and sex as a joke at first but in all honesty I do not think I can be blamed completely for that. After all you are Heiwajima Shizuo, one fine day after a lot of brooding I'm sure you sort of jumped on me. I suppose this talk is long overdue as it is but it's worth having.

"I never saw it that way…you're right."

"'Actions speak louder than words, if I do it with him and then confess my feelings they'll be across', something like that?"

Shizuo smiled again and had to refrain from ruffling Izaya's hair.

"You really do know me well. But you had been thinking something like that as well."

"True. And maybe I don't know you well enough. I had no idea you wanted to marry. I should've seen it coming but hindsight is twenty twenty. Then again you do have a thing for springing things on me out of nowhere. I didn't see our first kiss coming either. Completely out of the blue."

It had happened in the rooftop of their school, freshman year, sundown bleeding in lowering shades of golden light tinged with red.

"But I had been thinking about it for a while."

"Ha, there's the rub. We need to improve our communication. I did catch you staring at me back then but I assumed you wanted to kill me. Again."

"I'm sorry for that but I'm glad that we see eye to eye now."

Izaya's eyes sparkled with that peculiar glint of mischievous glee that Shizuo could not resist.

"About that, I took the liberty of getting you a suit to wear for the wedding. Because there's no way I'm getting married to a guy who is wearing a bartender's outfit. No offense."

"Heh, none taking."

Izaya produced the suit from a closet.

"And in case you're wondering I won't be wearing a gown. Disappointed?"

"Not really. It's not like you'll be wearing it all that long anyway."

Izaya folded his arms and lifted and eyebrow.

"Oh really?"

"Yeah. I mean, this is you and me. The wedding night will be…you know."

"Extra kinky?"

"Pretty much."

"That's the reason why I don't want guests around. Later we can have some sort of party with everyone but that's later. Way too often married couples get all tangled in trying to please friends and relatives on weddings. Don't get me wrong, I love my sisters dearly but they'd take over the whole thing and I want it to be just about us."

"The suit is white, huh?"

"Mine is too. We'll be matching."

Shizuo smiled.

"I kinda expected fur trims."

"Just wait until you see the wedding night underwear. And you better not go prancing in the white suit totting a gun, shooting people and calling me Lua."

"What…?"

"It is best you do not know."

*

For a location Izaya simply picked his living room. Shizuo nearly whistled when Izaya appeared in a sleek white suit complete with a bowtie and all. But the occasion did not call for it. Izaya did look very serious as he nodded and began.

"I, Orihara Izaya, hereby declare that I wish to have Heiwajima Shizuo as my exclusive significant other for the rest of my life, that I am fully committed in this relationship for the good and the bad, that I will be faithful and that I will put up with said Heiwajima Shizuo's notions even when I disagree with him. I further declare that I am no one's property nor is anyone my property, that I fully expect to treat and be treated as an individual, and that I enter into this agreement of my own volition solely because my feelings justify it, i.e. I love the before mentioned Heiwajima Shizuo."

It was the first time Shizuo actually heard Izaya used the 'love' word and he could not help but get somewhat emotional. Izaya coughed as if to remind Shizuo to do his part.

"I'm Heiwajima Shizuo and I love you and want to be with you forever."

Izaya produced a box with two silvery rings with a red stone encased. He slipped Shizuo a ring and almost giggled when Shizuo's hand shook a bit when slipping Izaya the other ring.

"In case you are wondering, these are solid platinum and the rock is a real ruby. Do you know what that means?"

"That it's real expensive?"

Izaya's eyes almost glittered.

"It means that according to our prior agreement, in which you have to pay one of the rings, it will take you approximately the rest of your life to do so. In other words: you're stuck with me, like it or not."

"That's just what I wanted. And we have plenty of time. We don't have a priest to say it but can I 'now kiss the snarky bride'?"

Izaya raised an eyebrow and laughed.

"By all means."

Shizuo did not just kiss him, he literally swept Izaya off his feet. One of the reasons why Izaya had dismissed the presence of third parties was precisely so that Shizuo did not get tongue tied, be it in delivering his vows or in kissing. Shizuo removed Izaya's pants and whistled in between kisses.

"You really got fur trimmed underwear…nice."

"Of course."

"I kinda feel bad removing it…"

Izaya giggled and skipped away, returning very shortly with a camera.

"Let's record it for posterity."

"Too much talk."

"Not enough action?"

Shizuo nodded, slipping his hands inside the strange boxers and squeezing.

"Yeah…"

Shizuo was never one to be too wordy when things got to this stage. He unpeeled Izaya's clothes and stripped in a moment. Eager to feel the sweet friction of warm skin against skin. No matter how many times they did this Shizuo always marveled at how smoothly Izaya responded to the motion of their bodies united. After all, if Shizuo took the lead, as he did now, it was only because Izaya wanted. And Shizuo did not mind it one bit.

And there was something beyond the great satisfaction of orgasm to lie with Izaya in his arms afterwards. Shizuo needed no further confirmation.

"Ah, I forgot the sake."

"Sake?"

"You can't have a wedding without it, Shizu-chan! Fetch it from the shelf."

Izaya pointed lazily in the general direction of the bottle.

"Just one cup, right?"

Izaya shook off the lethargic effects of his afterglow.

"Yes. That is the whole point."

With surprising solemnity Izaya dipped his lips in the liquid and passed the cup to Shizuo who drank the rest.

"This is pretty cool."

"It's a 'make-it-yourself' wedding. In that we can combine whatever elements we want, from the highly traditional to the downward kinky."

"Yeah, it makes sense…each wedding should be chosen by the people getting married."

Shizuo kissed his forehead after wiping some a few stray bangs of hair.

"Just wait until you see the divorce clauses! It includes you wearing a dog suit and a leash. For life!"

Izaya giggled as if the idea amused him beyond belief.

"You can be really weird. But I like it."

"So, when are you moving?"

"Moving?"

"There's plenty of room in here so you can move whenever you want."

"I hadn't thought of that."

Izaya rolled his eyes dramatically.

"What, you spring the big question on me without even having an idea of where we would live? Are you for real?"

"I don't think ahead much. I just know I wanted to be with you. Doesn't matter where."

"I'd call you a hopeless romantic but you're so matter of fact about it that I don't quite know what to call you."

Shizuo cuddled with him.

"I'm just me. And if you're fine with it then it's all good."

"Hmm…how about honeymoon?"

Shizuo thought about it.

"How about Nara?"

"Nara? Why? I have to ask."

"There's the big Buddha statue, the temples and the tiny deer. And there's also a national park."

"And? What's so great about all that?"

"It looks pretty from the pictures I've seen. And it's, like, part of history."

"Ah…I was more thinking about New York."

"But we already live in such a big city, going to another one is just a bit…"

Izaya sat up suddenly and jabbed a finger in the air.

"Aha! This is our first quarrel as a married couple. The camera is still on, by the way. To record it."

Shizuo kissed him.

"Nah, not an argument. We're just discussing stuff."

"Just so you know, if the giant Buddha goes all Gantz on us I will hold you responsible a hundred percent."

"Gantz…? Wait, does that mean you're fine with Nara?"

"Nara it is. It's not the most glamorous of places but hey, it might be interesting. Who knows."

Shizuo chuckled.

"I got a feeling you don't really think so. Okay, we can go to New York instead."

"Oh no you don't. I already decided, cannot go back now. It is Nara or NOTHING. But we'll be spending next New Year's in the Big Apple."

It was the first time they ever made plans this far into the future. Shizuo liked it a lot.

"Heh, sure. But they don't have the bells in America, I think."

"What bells?"

"You know, the bells that ring a bunch of times when the new years rolls by. And no temples to make wishes at on the first of January."

"You sure are a traditionalist. I wouldn't worry about that, everything can be found in New York. I bet you can have all that in some part of the city. And I got to say, we would probably be the first people to ever go from Tokyo to New York to experience a truly Japanese New Year's eve."

"Yeah…by the way, what is this Gantz thing you were talking about?"

"Crazy hyper violent manga with boobs galore."

Shizuo frowned.

"Not too sure I like that…"

"Why not, because of the violence or the oversexed content?"

"I try to be as peaceful as I can so I won't read or watch violent stuff."

Izaya could see that Shizuo was very serious.

"You're getting better at controlling your anger issues. Much better, I'd say."

"You think…?"

"I know. You haven't killed me yet, for one or even attacked me in ages."

"It's because being with you makes me a better person."

Izaya placed a finger on Shizuo's lips.

"Oy, oy, no saying overly dramatic things like that and getting all deep on me."

"You're real cute."

Izaya batted his eyelashes and pursed his lips in a pout.

"Iza-nya is so puety...needs some luv."

"Now that's just creepy."

Izaya burst out laughing.

"So true, that's the whole point. One of these days I'll play the dutiful wife just to freak you out."

"Don't. I don't want a 'dutiful wife', I want you. Orihara Izaya."

Izaya was touched by Shizuo's guileless candor but he was not about to go into mushy territory.

"Hmm…and here I was getting all ready to welcome you home wearing an apron and nothing more and going, 'Welcome back, darling! What can I get you, dinner, a bath or maybe…me?'"

"Does that really happen in real life?"

"Maybe!"

Shizuo thought about it.

"Yeah, that would be pretty sweet."

"Aha, I knew it! You're such a guy, tch. Typical male behavior."

"Well, yeah. Of course I want to have sex with you. But you're every bit as much a guy as I am."

"That is very true. Except ten times cuter."

"No argument there."

"And sweeter?"

"Nah. Too snarky for that. Wouldn't have it any other way either. After all, I chose you for a reason."

Izaya sauntered away and returned shortly with a credit card and an envelope.

"Here. Details to our joint account are here."

"Joint account…? I don't want any of your money…"

"I know you don't. But if we are married what is mine is yours, what is yours is mine. It's called 'sharing'. I'm sure you are alright with the idea of sharing."

Shizuo sat up as if to better digest this.

"Still, you have much more than I do…"

"Doesn't matter and it's not at all the point. Whatever you do own I can liberally borrow from and vice-versa. It's irrelevant whether I have a lot of money or not. I know very well that you're not after my money so please don't be worried about that."

Shizuo nodded.

"Can I borrow the fur fringe jacket?"

"Oh no, the jacket is off limits!"

"Don't you have a million of those?"

"A few. None of which fit you. But if you want I'd be glad to get you one that does fit your humungous size. As long as you tell no one. It's my trademark, after all."

Shizuo chuckled.

"And you'll wear a bartender's outfit?"

"…no. Sorry, too stylish for that."

"Hmm…I like you better naked anyway."

Shizuo wrapped him in an embrace.

"Oh? Guess you really can't get enough of me."

Shizuo traced fingertips all over Izaya's skin, barely touching.

"I've got to erase the memory of all those women from your body."

"And how are you going to do that?"

Shizuo kissed him deeply.

"I think you know."

"So it's round two?"

"It's what wedding night is all about."

"Hot steamy sex…I'm all for. Because I do expect you to be a most dutiful husband and fulfill such duties."

"Feels to good to be a duty."

Shizuo was playful but he meant it. He wanted to wipe out all traces of infidelity from Izaya's body and above all from his mind. And Shizuo knew precisely how to take Izaya and let the impact of physical pleasure to carry all emotions- from raw need to the glorious comfort of a shared afterglow.  
Izaya cuddled against Shizuo, sleepiness flooding his consciousness.

"You're cute and adorable when you're sleepy."

"Hey, Shizu-chan…not yet asleep, you just implied I am not 'cute and adorable' normally. I'm offended…"

"No, you're not."

"…heh. Night."

"Sleep well."

*

Izaya hid behind Shizuo and peered left and right cautiously.

"What are you doing?"

"These deer are everywhere. I am somewhat apprehensive."

"Deer are cool, you can pet them."

"I had heard that Nara was home of midget deer, I did not know there was an entire army of them."

And indeed they were surrounded by a vast quantity of small furry deer that sat, lay or ran after the visitors in the large temple complex.

"It's a bit like rush hour in Ikebukuro but with deer instead of people."

"And that, Shizu-chan, is somewhat disturbing. No matter how you look at it we are outnumbered here. Our species is most definitely the minority. If the deer were to charge we would be in serious danger."

Shizuo laughed.

"Deer don't charge and they're cute. Let's go see the big Buddha."

"You're still walking in front of me, just in case. We don't even have Gantz suits on and I am in no mood to be stepped on by some monstrous Buddha."

It was dark and solemn inside the temple. Heavy incense thickened the air with the scent of macerated flowers. Izaya found it a bit oppressive and tenebrous. Not even the so called Buddha's nostril, tiny hole into which small people could squirm, could amuse Izaya who could not put on his jeering ways.  
Shizuo united his hands and bowed his head. Izaya imitated him for lack of something better to do.

"Shizu-chan, what did you wish for?"

"For us to be together. How about you?"

Izaya had only gone through the motions, this all seemed a bit pointless to him but Shizuo's candor was contagious and its honesty. Izaya could not help but let it reach him.

"Give me a second here."

Izaya adopted the traditional petitioning gestures with actual meaning this time around.

"All done."

"What did you wish for, then?"

"I am not telling you."

"Ah…why not?"

"Because I'm an informant, it's in my blood. If you want information, Shizu-chan…then pry it from me."

Shizuo had to laugh.

"And that, Orihara Izaya, is precisely why I love you."

The End


End file.
